Thursday, February 10, 2011

Quarter-life Crisis


People, I'm old.  I'm almost 25 and what have I done with my life?  I graduated college late, I have years of expensive therapy under my belt, and I have no job.  Still, I'm not discouraged.  Yes, it sounds depressing, and yes, I have a family that constantly reminds me of that (and that the only thing I've gained in the last year is weight), but really I'm so bad off.  I did graduate, and I was able to use my time off from Wellesley to gain incredible work experience, Alhamdulillah.  And I am deeply in love with a wonderful man who supports me through my highs and lows.

Speaking of high and lows, I'd like to ramble about religiosity and spirituality.  For me, spirituality is about faith and supplication.  Religiosity is the practice and application.  Though I like to think that I don't falter in my spirituality as I do in my religiosity, the plain truth is that I just do it as often.  Lately, I haven't been talking to Allah as much as I'd like.  It may sound crazy but it calms me to know that I have a one-on-one relationship with my God, more than worshiping Him as He has commanded.  It's nice to know that I can sit down for a minute, or five, and tell God my troubles, my worries, and my joys.  It reinforces my strength and my faith.  As Islam teaches, if true spirituality is in the heart, it will show through religiosity.  I'm paraphrasing.  My point is that if we believe, so should we practice.  Now, only the perfect and near-perfect among us (read: the Prophet [pbuh] and the Sahaba [pbut]) could really hold a candle to this statement, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still apply.  For this this means that application comes from faith.  But let's face it.  If we sit around day saying we believe and don't attempt to get up and pray, then we'll never pray.  Each supports the other.  Believing in Salaat will guide is to performing our prayers, and in turn, that will strengthen our faith.  InshaAllah.  Sidenote: I believe one practice other than prayer that can help me become stronger is fasting.  It's Sunnah to fast on Mondays and Thursdays.  It is a practice I intend to work on, and I invite you to join me.  We can build brother- and sisterhood while building Iman.

This last week, man.  Things be craaaazy.  (Or maybe crassie?)  My mother is home from the hospital Alhamdulillah, and recovering slowly yet surely.  And I'm glad I was there every step of the way.  It's honestly an honor to be able to help one's mother regain her health.  I have to wonder though, whether I'm the only one appreciating the outcome.  Not her illness, obviously, but the fact that I have been able to step it up as a daughter, and as a woman.  I've decided to discontinue with my DBT group (Dialectical Behaviorable Therapy) and just focus on the things I have going on.  I am struggling hard against the words I hear at home and the feelings they produce in me, but in the end I think I'm coming out on top, Alhamdulillah, even though right now I'm only ahead by millimeters.

More later, iA tonight.


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