Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Prime-Numbered Months


BMF is fast becoming intolerable.  I mean, I dealt with, if poorly, the working conditions of myself and my coworker.  But it got even worse.  My bosses made a rude accusation of lateness with no basis because they didn't bother to look into it.  And when I told them they were incorrect about my tardiness, they didn't apologize; worse, they tried to explain to me why I was overreacting.  I refuse to work for people who can't admit and apologize when they are wrong, rude, and offensive.  Their managerial skills have gotten from bad to worse to unbearable.

I wrote the above portion in November.  Since then, things have changed.  My coworker was let go, due to her "working style not meshing" with their "management style."  What management style?!  And the worst thing is, in the last two weeks, their behavior towards me has changed drastically.  Suddenly I'm getting compliments and encourage on and with my work, instead of snide remarks.  Suddenly being late once in a while is not a problem.  Suddenly I am appreciated.  And you know what?  It's nice.  But it's crap.  I don't think it's right that they made that huge change and then seem to act like nothing has happened.  I have to get out.

I had an interview at the beginning of the month.  I think I mentioned it?  Anyway, the job is in the smallest US state, and inshaAllah I'll hear from them tomorrow or Wednesday.  I hope it's good news.  I have the perfect present to celebrate!  ...Or to console myself.  I just bought a new blue patent leather wallet from Cole Haan.  It's amazing.  I've been lusting after it for months and it went on sale, yay!

So in honor of the final wedding of the year, I started going to the gym.  Kind of regularly, even.  Two to four times a week.  Shush, it's a start.  Anyway!  No loss in numbers yet, but I'm just going to say it's a slow start.  ( :  So some of the brownies and I leave this Thursday for Atlanta!  The mendhi is that night and I don't know if we'll make it.  I still have to pack, but I think I can manage to finish by then, haha!

On to the important things.  The fourteenth of December marked sixteen months together, making January month number seventeen.  While we have stopped celebrating every month since one year, we thought it would be fun and quirky to have a little commemoration on the prime-numbered months, as a dedication to us and our supreme nerdiness.  I'm not talking about fancy dinners or presents, but just a little extra time for ourselves, and maybe a nice date night!  I love that he and I are as sappy as we are together.

Tonight's topic is patience.  Sabr.  Something that struggle with.  I'm a bit of a diva, and I can have a short-temper.  Not only is it quickly becoming a bad habit to be angry, it is starting to cause problems.  I have managed to make my dearest Char feel under-appreciated.  I know.  Him!  The perfect gentleman who loves me with me his whole heart.  This past weekend, he drove six hours to spend time with me, and because I hadn't heard from him that day I was angry.  The truth is, he spent much of earlier in his day with his friends.  I knew he was busy, and I was only angry because I thought he would have let me know that he was setting off from where he was and if he hadn't it meant he lost track of time.  I called a couple of times and he didn't pick up.  I figured he was still with his friends, because he doesn't usually pick up when he's with people.  I thought he forgot.  I felt justified.  Still, knowing now how hurt he was, I feel terrible.  I could have just asked what happened.  I could have just said that I was scared he forgot.  We would have talked things over, as we eventually did, and it would have been fine.  But instead I caused an unnecessary drama.  One thing I'm slowly (slowly, slowly) learning is that I have to control my anger and frustration because sometimes it isn't justified, even if I feel that it is.  I have to learn to stay calm and have patience.  I am very lucky; I have someone who understands this fault of mine and is very patient himself.  He guides me and helps me understand, and for that I thank him and Him, subhanAllah.  But the thing to realize is that not acknowledging this problem, and worse, not working to change, is what is going to cause the real damage.  The man in my life, is extraordinary.  Not everyone's partner is like that.  But whether or not s/he is, once you've gotten over the hump and changed for the better, that person isn't going to remember the past.  If you don't, your partner can never forget.