Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day


February fourteenth hasn't meant much to me since my elementary school days, when we had to give each other cards with the plea, "Be Mine."  This is it means something very important to me.  Not because I have Char to share it with, but because I have Char at all.  Today is the mark of our first eight months together.  It may sound silly to note this as a milestone, but I'm just that sappy.  And the fact that he is willing to be sappy with me goes to show one of the ways we fit well together.  Alhamdulillah.

Today I also had my first post-grad job interview.  I think it went smoothly, except that I stuttered a bit.  Apparently I stutter when I'm nervous....who knew?  I think the fact that it is the first one was the most nerve-wracking.  I was even unsure what to wear!  I ended up choosing dark brown slacks, a synthetic deep purple blouse, a shaded purple cardigan to cover my sleeves and a dark brown wool hijab.  Stylish and warm!  And of course I had to wear my Via Spiga Oxford heels.  Man, I love those shoes!  Hmm....I may just decide to post more outfits, if I deem any of them modest and flattering. haha.

Went to the eye doc again today, for a follow up.  I have keratitis, from contact overwear.  PEOPLE: DO NOT WEAR CONTACTS TO SLEEP.  EVER.  It's just bad news.

It's also Monday!  Which means I finally fasted.  Alhamdulillah it was not difficult until the last few hours.  MashAllah to those who were also able to fast, and inshaAllah next time, for those were not able.

Here's the thing about relationships.  The are hard.  The halal ones and the not-so-halal ones.  At the end of the day, you're trying to find out if you'd be able to spend your life with that person.  You need to know things, from the everyday Will he help with the dishes? to the more serious How does he feel about girls' nights out?  What if it's a coed group?  Out-of-town visits?  Out-of-town visitors?  And you have to be prepared to answer the same questions.  Honestly.  Circumstances can change, and with them views and outlooks, but if you aren't truthful from the beginning to the end, whatever the issue is will eat at you, and you'll drive yourself crazy.  Alhamdulillah Char and I are trying to be open about these things.  Even things that seem small could be a big deal when two people are living together.  We recently had a discussion during which we talked about something that was on my mind, and then he brought up something he'd been worrying about: my slowly declining prayer habits.  And honestly, while I was a little embarrassed, mostly I was relieved that he cares so much about my Iman and Akhirah as he does about anything else.   I could not have asked for more.  SubhanAllah.

I've thinking more and more about giving and getting advice.  During DBT group I find a short respite from the things at home that are distressing, but I don't think I'm getting as much out of it as I used to.  I feel that I'm better equipped to handle the triggering problems.  I have been considering leaving group for a few weeks now, and it sounds more and more like the best idea.  Still, the troubles with my mother haven't eased - indeed, they seem to be worsening - so I'm undecided.

As to giving advice, I am often told that I listen well and give great advice.  I'm truly blessed to be able to help many friends in this way.  I think I would like open myself to helping other friends, other sisters in need of a few answers, to the best of my ability, through this blog.  If you, my few readers, have any thoughts about this idea (whether positive or negative), please don't hesitate to let me know.  If I get enough positive feedback, I'll then decide how to pursue this.  JazakAllah.


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