Saturday, February 19, 2011



Friendship.  It's a complicated word.  A complicated concept, really.  There are best friends, close friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and frenemies, just to name a few.  So how do you weed out those friendships (and relationships) that aren't working anymore?  That aren't healthy?  How do you let go, and stop trying, when you wish you didn't have to?

I bring this up because at this stage in my life, I find myself questioning the relationships I held near and dear to me.  Some people, I have come to accept, I am friends with by circumstance.  We get along, and have great times together, but we don't really go out of our way for each other.  And that's okay.  My best friend A, though?  I know we'll get through life just fine.  We've spent years apart, in different countries, with barely any time to talk.  Now that we're back in the same state, we've picked up where we let off.  We have banter, the same inside jokes, and she can always turn to me for advice.  And of course, I to her.  And we do.  And finally, there are some wonderful women out there I've known for nearly my entire life, with whom I am slowly yet surely becoming closer.  And subhanAllah for that.  I am lucky to have you in my life.  I hope you know who you are.

But there are just some relationships I don't understand.  I spent eight months out of state.  That place became home.  A place I lived, went to school, worked, and had bad things happen.  Like it or not, those eight months became a significant part of my almost-25 years.  And while I was there, I met a lot of great people  Brothers and sisters of a strong MSA, mashAllah.  A crown that I really fell in love with.  Then I moved back, and to my dismay, with that move I lost many of the people I cared - no, care - about.  We talked online fora  few months, but communication slowly dwindled.  I'm not blaming them at all, and this isn't the only time this kind of thing has happened.  In fact, I probably could have done a better job of keeping in touch.  I guess what is said tends to be true: out of sight, out of mind.  The point of my rant is that now I'm at a crossroads where I have to continue a seemingly one-sided friendship, or somehow let go of the idea that maybe things will change.  I get despondent, and sometimes, angry, when I reach out and am not met somewhere partway.  So my question is: how do I do what is best for me, and move on?

Job searching is going better than I expected, Alhamdulillah.  I have been some good fortune, and am hoping it extends to Tuesday.  I have an interview for a position that I am very interested in.  They have sent me sic articles to read related to their research to prepare, and I am already so nervous.  Please make du'a that I am able to impress them.  Thankfully, I had a whole course dedicated to reading journal articles critically and actually understanding them.  And sidenote: what will I wear!?

Char's sister and I see to get along, at least so far.  We've hung out twice, and talk online a bit.  I guess I just feel intimidated by her.  She's very intelligent.  The whole family is.  I really wonder if I'll fit in like Char believes.


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