New Beginnings

Salaam.

Friends, my sincerest apologies for not updating over the last month and a half.  InshaAllah I'll try to do better.  Things have been kind of hectic, but are settling down.  I have so much to share with you.

Firstly, I've hit the big two-five!  Yeah, I'm super old.  Okay, okay, not really old haha, but a year older, and inshaAllah a year wiser.  I spend the week celebrating among friends, one of whom hosted a party for me at her place.  It was intimate and amazing fun.

Second news:  I've joined the real world!  I have just finished my first month of my first real job.  Alhamdulillah!  The job search was short, sweet, and successful.  I've taken a Lab Associate position with a small start up near the city called Boston MicroFluidics (BMF).  I'm owrking on a project to develop a new rapid test for the detection of common STIs at home.  The founder B, and his best friend K, are my boss and supervisor, respectively.  Yup, there are only three of us in the lab.  They are in their late twenties, really intelligent, and incredibly funny.  Alhamdulillah it is a good fit for me, professionally, intellectually, and socially.  And to top it all off, I work close enough to Char's school that we can regularly have lunch together!

Char and I have had to readjust our plans.  Whereas we had hoped to be able to make our relationship official soon, it seems that the more responsible move is to wait until he is more stable in his income.  If we have learned one thing from our previous mistake (however sweet and romantic), it's that these things cannot be rushed.  To think so is naive.  His being further along in his education, and my having financial independence, are two ways to make sure neither family has an argument.  While being separate this way will be difficult, we will support each other through the tougher times and inshaAllah this proves to be the better decision in the long run.

There's one last thing I'd like to ramble on about.  The view of homosexuality that the general population of Muslims hold.  For starters, this is not a problem that is unique to Muslims.  Islam's view of homosexuality is straightforward, and yet many people seem to be confused or uneducated on the topic.  The short answer is that acting on homosexuality is forbidden, but the feelings are completely natural.  It is, as many aver, how Allah made you.  Being queer or questioning isn't haraam in and of itself.  That's the first part of my qualm with our community on this topic.  The other part is worse.  You don't believe homosexuality is real?  Fine.  But one of the most beautiful parts of Islam is its preaching of tolerance.  Its teachings of the Golden Rule and how to behave.  Where have we come as an Ummah, when all we do is judge others based on what we perceive and treat them not as they were meant to be treated, as human beings?

xoxo

Great Expectations

Salaam.

Lately I've been thinking about what being married means.  Having a talk with my mother last week really made me start to think.  Don't get me wrong - I know what kind of man my Char is, and inshaAllah I will get to know his family, but what I hadn't thought about, for the most part, was the day-to-day practical things.  Just because Char and I will be so happy to finally be together inshaAllah, doesn't mean that our bellies won't need filling.  Just because we'll be all laughs and kisses for a while doesn't mean our clothes won't need washing or our home won't need cleaning.  These things seem like they don't matter, but the are, in fact, just as basic as a couple's ability to communicate.  There are things that I am not accustomed to.  I rarely make my bed, I don't cook, and I've never had to do much cleaning.  I wasn't raised with chores.  But this week, a lot has changed.

You would think that it would be common sense to realize a fairy tale wedding does not a fairy tale marriage make.  In theory, I know that.  In reality, it just made a dent in my thick head.  So I've finally realized how important it is to get into the habit of things like dusting and cleaning the bathroom and, yes, making daal.  Into habits like tidying and picking up things that are out of place.  Being wifely.  I know!  It sounds crazy, and some might say it's backwards and oppressive.  But honestly, I can't see it that way.  It's simply a desire to keep a good home for myself and, inshaAllah, for my future husband.

I have a friend, O, with whom I like to think I'm becoming closer.  MashAllah, she's a great sister with a strong sense of self and solid values.  And she's happily married for just over two years.  And her husband happens to be friends with my Char.  This weekend, while Banana Anne and I went to O's for dinner, the boys had their own night in.  ( :  She has been a great support for me through the last eight months, and this weekend was no different.  She gave me her experienced insight into a married woman's home life, and I am very grateful.  Discussing cleaning habits, and about learning to compromise, and how to Islamically handle home finance was comforting and useful.  I am truly blessed to have a friend like her.

Something else of note: I made red velvet cupcakes and cake, with cream cheese frosting, from scratch!  The recipe is from Chef Google, so I won't bother posting it.  But this is how they turned out.

Cake!

 OmNomNomNom!

Cupcakes!!

xoxo

Freak Whirlwind (part 2)

Salaam.

Sunday, June 13
I opened my email to find that Char had sent me a Facebook-friend request.  From what I'd gathered about him from S, I was under the impression that he was usually unsearchable and so only did friending himself.  So he reached out to me!

I got very excited to see the request, flailed a little (or a lot!) then accepted.  I posted on this wall, he commented, and thus began our conversation.  We move to GChatting, and talked til 1am.  About all sorts of random things - pigeons (his research), sports (rugby), soda (Coke vs Pepsi).  We flirted cautiously, talking about my parent-made biodata (he later admitted he was testing the friend-zone), and how my mother tongue is very important to me, leading to him asking me how to say something in Bangla.  He even suggested that we go see a movie - in a group.  The sneaky bugger!  By the end, I had his number, and a growing hope that he was interested.

xoxo

Friendship

Salaam.

Friendship.  It's a complicated word.  A complicated concept, really.  There are best friends, close friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and frenemies, just to name a few.  So how do you weed out those friendships (and relationships) that aren't working anymore?  That aren't healthy?  How do you let go, and stop trying, when you wish you didn't have to?

I bring this up because at this stage in my life, I find myself questioning the relationships I held near and dear to me.  Some people, I have come to accept, I am friends with by circumstance.  We get along, and have great times together, but we don't really go out of our way for each other.  And that's okay.  My best friend A, though?  I know we'll get through life just fine.  We've spent years apart, in different countries, with barely any time to talk.  Now that we're back in the same state, we've picked up where we let off.  We have banter, the same inside jokes, and she can always turn to me for advice.  And of course, I to her.  And we do.  And finally, there are some wonderful women out there I've known for nearly my entire life, with whom I am slowly yet surely becoming closer.  And subhanAllah for that.  I am lucky to have you in my life.  I hope you know who you are.

But there are just some relationships I don't understand.  I spent eight months out of state.  That place became home.  A place I lived, went to school, worked, and had bad things happen.  Like it or not, those eight months became a significant part of my almost-25 years.  And while I was there, I met a lot of great people  Brothers and sisters of a strong MSA, mashAllah.  A crown that I really fell in love with.  Then I moved back, and to my dismay, with that move I lost many of the people I cared - no, care - about.  We talked online fora  few months, but communication slowly dwindled.  I'm not blaming them at all, and this isn't the only time this kind of thing has happened.  In fact, I probably could have done a better job of keeping in touch.  I guess what is said tends to be true: out of sight, out of mind.  The point of my rant is that now I'm at a crossroads where I have to continue a seemingly one-sided friendship, or somehow let go of the idea that maybe things will change.  I get despondent, and sometimes, angry, when I reach out and am not met somewhere partway.  So my question is: how do I do what is best for me, and move on?

Job searching is going better than I expected, Alhamdulillah.  I have been some good fortune, and am hoping it extends to Tuesday.  I have an interview for a position that I am very interested in.  They have sent me sic articles to read related to their research to prepare, and I am already so nervous.  Please make du'a that I am able to impress them.  Thankfully, I had a whole course dedicated to reading journal articles critically and actually understanding them.  And sidenote: what will I wear!?

Char's sister and I see to get along, at least so far.  We've hung out twice, and talk online a bit.  I guess I just feel intimidated by her.  She's very intelligent.  The whole family is.  I really wonder if I'll fit in like Char believes.

xoxo